A Letter
by Coyote Laughs
Summary: Freddie sits down to write a letter to a certain blue eyed demon.  A songfic to "A Letter to Georgia" by The Airborne Toxic Event.  Please enjoy my musings.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing!**

**A Letter**

The soft patter of the rain plays a melancholy symphony on my window as I stare blankly at my computer screen. An unfinished letter stares back accusingly at me. I know what I want to write, but I don't know how to express myself. Running my fingers through my brown hair, I sigh and spin slowly around in my computer chair. I hate how I'm feeling right now. I hate how I can't control it. I hate the girl that is the cause. But most of all, I hate me.

I hate myself for all the lies I've built. That I still loved Carly. That I wasn't interested in anybody else. That I hated my blonde maned tormentor. That we didn't have any sort of relationship. That I couldn't be in love with her.

I remember the last time I saw her. August. I was saying good-bye to everyone at Bushwell's. Carly hugged me and then gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek. Spencer then proceeded to cry and blubber all over my shirt as he gave me a hug. My mom stood there with tears in her eyes and gathered me tightly into a hug. No matter how old I get, I'll always be her little boy. Gibby shook my hand, then pulled me into a hug. He whispered softly that he would look after my girls. I smiled gently to myself as I saw Carly melt into Gibby as he enfolded her in a hug. I then looked over at the last person in the group. She stood there with her eyes downcast, her hands grasped behind her back. There was so many things I wanted to say to her, but all I could say was bye. I felt four pairs of eyes staring at me, but not the sky blue eyes that I wanted. I turned and got into my car. Rain, the tears of the gods, started to gently fall from the sky. As I drove away, I adjusted my rear view mirror and saw a figure running after my car. I slammed on the brakes and threw opened the door of my car, my heart catching in my throat. She came running right up to me, and threw herself into my open arms. I catch the reflection of her face in the glass, and I see tears ruining her mascara. And I also see something that breaks my heart. I see the weight of all the sad goodbyes reflected in her ocean blue eyes. Her dad's. Melanie's. All her stupid boyfriend's.

Mine.

I didn't know what to say, so all I did was just hold her tight. Nothing more. Just held her. Too soon she has composed herself and runs back to the shelter of Bushwell's. I got back into my car and just drove away.

I think about all the things I wanted to say to her constantly. My grades have suffered for it. I can't get her out of my head. I've written her letters, e-mailed, phoned, and texted her. But nothing. Not a word from her. I've talked to Carly, Gibby and Spencer. They haven't seen her much since then, and when they have seen her, she seems withdrawn, closed up. They all tell me to let it go, that I need to get on with my life. But I can't. She was my first kiss, and I want her to be my last kiss. I sigh softly and spin around in my chair again.

I close my eyes and picture her. Her long blonde wavy hair. Her deep blue eyes that I want to drown in. The way she truly cared for me when it mattered. The way she would pick on me when it didn't matter. The way her body felt against me. The way I could feel her heart beating. The tightening in my choice told me I had to stop this exquisite torture.

Whoever first said love hurts must have been a teenager in the throes of his or her first love. Wasn't love suppose to be all roses and hearts and rainbows and chizz? Not this agony. And then I knew.

She felt the same way.

But since she was who she was, she dealt with it the only way she knew how. Build a wall, and then put as much distance between the offending emotion and herself. I sigh again. She was afraid.

Afraid to love, afraid to lose.

Afraid to start, afraid to choose.

Afraid to change or stay the same.

Afraid to lose herself again.

Afraid of love, and how much pain comes with it.

I know what I need to say to her. That I know how she's feeling, and that I feel the same way. It is the truth. So I erase the dribble that I've written and start all over, with a sense of purpose and clarity that I never had.

_Sam, my love,_

**Author's Note: Mikel Jollett, the lead singer of The Airborne Toxic Event, deserves first billing on this story. A brilliant writer and crafter of prose, I can only hope to do justice to him. This is a songfic to T.A.T.E's "A Letter to Georgia." It perfectly fits the relationship between Sam and Freddie.**

**And a special thanks to all that reviewed and favorited my last story. I appreciate it immensely.**

**Coyote**


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